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Navigating the traps of power
by Julie Diamond
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
So said Abraham Lincoln.
He’s right. Power is hard to get it right. And most of us don’t grow up learning how to use it wisely and well. And one reason for that, is that it’s a taboo. Like with any taboo –sex or death for instance – we have a truly irrational relationship with it. We hate power yet crave it. We criticize those in power, while staying unaware of how we use it ourselves. We overestimate the power of others, while underestimating that of ourselves. We try to do away with hierarchy and replace it with consensus but fail to see that it just pushes power underground, where it thrives in the endless rounds of arguing and debating, gossip and alliances.
But the taboo against power is most evident in how we pathologize its misuse. We talk about it like a medical condition: people who do so are ‘psychopaths,’ ‘narcissists,’ and ‘deviants.’ We analyze the perpetrator’s personality, wondering if he was abused or bullied as a child.
Maybe it is a psychological condition, but it’s also an everyday occurrence. The outrageous abuses of power we see in the headlines lull us into a false sense of security because we don’t see ourselves in those stories. And so we feel safe and smug about ourselves, confident we’d never embezzle funds, harass subordinates, molest students, or cover up an affair with campaign contributions. But you don’t have to be a sadist or psychopath to misuse power. Average people, like you and me, from time to time, misuse our role, rank and influence. And we’re not monsters; most of us are trying hard to do well. We are just victims of a culture that doesn’t teach us how to use power well.
And we need to be taught, because power is really ‘misuable” – not because we lack awareness but because power comes with the means for its own abuse. Like slipping on Sauron’s Ring of Power, when we step into a position of power we think, feel and behave differently. The pressure of the role, isolation from others, the expectations and projections from others, all of this conspires to alter our perceptions of ourselves and others. There’s a lot of research now showing how power and status changes behavior: people in higher power roles display more confidence, are less concerned with others’ opinions, have less empathy, and take their subjective perceptions more seriously than others.’ These psychological influences, along with the perks and privileges of power, provide easy access and temptation to fall prey to the shadow side of power.
Because of the sensationalist way abuse of power is talked about, to get better at using power ourselves, we need to understand how it manifests in common , everyday ways. Until we see how we do it ourselves, it’s hard to get better. From what I’ve seen in my work with people in positions of leadership and authority, these are the 5 most common, and avoidable, traps of power:
- Avoiding using your authority. Believe it or not, one of the most common ways people misuse power is by trying not to have it. Determined not to misuse power, they shy away from taking a stand, being definitive, taking risks, or having tough conversations. They try to be supportive and collaborative, but it backfires because people don’t know what to do, how they’re doing, or what’s expected of them. It can be stressful, chaotic and confusing working with or for someone who doesn’t own their power. To work on this: Look at your own biases against power. The more you hate it, or think ill of it, chances are, the worse you’ll use it. You can’t enact your power simply by vowing “never to be like others.”
- Using too much ammo. It’s easy to underestimate your own power and overestimate the other’s. But when were convinced we’re the weaker party, out of fear we’ll be defeated, or won’t get our point across, we increase our fire power. This happens even if we have higher positional rank. Whenever we feel one-down, we use extra force. We don’t see that we come across as an aggressor, and then we interpret the other’s defensive response as proof that they are the aggressor. It’s a runaway escalation and a self-fulfilling prophecy. To work on this: Just like in a negotiation, start with a generous and open hand. Think of yourself as having power, even if you don’t feel it. We all have some power, somewhere. You might be surprised how powerful you look to others. Discover your power, because feeling powerless and weak makes you overcompensate.
- Using power to boost your self-esteem. Rank is like a drug: it can be a short cut to feeling better. If we doubt our intelligence, having people nod when we speak soothes that wound. If we feel unworthy, the respect of those around us becomes addicting. If we feel weak, our righteous activism and anger can make us feel strong. Over time, we lose the muscle to do our own emotional development work, and become reliant on our rank, and on the reaction, flattery and attention of those around us. To work on this: Don’t take short cuts in your development. It’s easy to do but not so good for us. Confront what’s difficult. The growth you get from doing so increases your self-esteem and ultimately gives you the personal power you need to be effective.
- Buying your own pitch. When you have a lot of clout in your organization or community, and people follow what you say, it’s easy to fall prey to your self-confirming beliefs. Others don’t challenge you much, and you can cherry-pick the feedback that confirms your beliefs. You measure your progress and evaluate your work using your own yardstick. And your high power position keeps you shielded from social contexts outside your influence, which limits the opportunity to grow beyond what you already know. To work on this: Actively learn – outside your field, not just within it. It’s good to stretch yourself, and be a beginner and feel deskilled. It’s healthy to entertain self-criticism and doubts, to embrace threat and seek challenge, from within and from without. We need to shake up the “cognitive egg”, to be challenged by reflections of ourselves that may be hard to take.
- Getting drunk on your role. It’s really easy to lose touch with the human inside the role. Roles have magical qualities and when they have high rank, even more so. The teacher in front of the classroom feels wiser at work than she does at home. Leaders micromanage or refuse to delegate, thinking they are smarter than everyone else. Therapists or social workers can become heroic, get entangled with their clients’ lives, and ultimately burn out. Parents control and over-protect their children when they over identify with the caretaker role. To work on this: Share the role. Children need to learn responsibility, team members need to think like the boss, clients need to access their capacity to work through their own problems. If we “hog” the role, we don’t develop the people around us.
This is just a start. We each can find out where we use the role or rank to take short cuts in our development.
I’ll be looking into this more with a dynamic group of leaders and facilitators at the next year-long Deep Democracy training sponsored by Anima Leadership in Toronto, starting in March 2014. Hope to see some of you there.
Anima founder and principal, Shakil Choudhury and I just did an interview about the course and what to expect in 2014. Check back here and on the Anima website for the interview.
